Falling Slowly
by pinkturtle55
Summary: After receiving unexpected news in London, Emily picks up her life and moves back to Quantico. Once she reunites with her team, what was supposed to be a friendship begins to turn into something more. It's what Emily's always been missing, but also what terrifies her the most. Especially since she knows she'll only break his heart in the end.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! Here's the first chapter of Falling Slowly, I promise that the others will be longer! Reviews are as always greatly appreciated, I love to hear what you think or any questions you may have :)**

**I do not own Criminal Minds**

Emily reached out her hand and rested it against the thick plastic window. Beneath her was blue. Blue sky, blue water, blue. She adjusted herself in the small blue seat and and continued to stare out into the blue. She could barely comprehend what was happening, it had all gone so fast. She didn't leave a two weeks notice and only left her boss a letter. The next thing she knew she was on a plane.

She wasn't just going anywhere, although she felt like she was flying into the great unknown. But maybe it was the unknown now. After months in London things had changed. She changed, no doubt others changed too. Could what once felt like a home still be one now? Or had her leaving taken away that right?

Emily was willing to take that risk. Because right now, London wasn't home. Nowhere was home. The only place she could think to go was the one where she had, at one point in her life, felt accepted. Because she needed that now. She needed people, and she needed something to keep her going.

Even when she was in London all she had thought of was her team. Garcia and Morgan had come to visit, and she spoke to the others on the phone, but it wasn't the same. And she missed them more than she was willing to admit. She couldn't help but think she was making the wrong choice. Was she being selfish? Should she have stayed where she was?

But it was too late, the plane landed on the pavement and she was officially there. She took in a deep breath, grabbed her bag from the overhead compartment and left the plane.

XXX

Hotch sat on the plane and stared at the case file in front of him. He rested his hand on it and let out a deep breath. The case was over, and they were heading home, but it was still fresh in his mind. The pain he saw in the families and the smirks he caught as the men were dragged through the police department.

It made him wonder about human nature. Sure there were good people, like his son, and Haley, and his team, but there was so much evil. How long was it until the good was overpowered by the darkness? Until the light became just another chance for a shadow?

He found himself almost laughing at his thoughts. This was something he would have talked to Emily about. Everyone had their doubts on this job, but Emily understood him in ways the others couldn't. She was the one that could always help him push past his doubts.

He didn't let himself think about Emily too much. It hurt him to do so, to think of her gone, in another part of the world. But when he did think of her he remembered all the times she made him laugh, her advice, and the way it uplifted him everyday to see her. But even that hurt. Remembering the good times reminded him that there wouldn't be any more.

He shook away those thoughts as the plane landed on the dark pavement. He said his goodbyes to the team and got off the plane to go home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Thanks for your alerts and favorites :) Here's the next chapter**

Emily sat in her rental car with Sergio curled up in the passenger seat. He meowed and stretched out in the patch of sun. Emily tapped her fingers on the door and stared outside.

"This is creepy," She said, "Sergio, I should just leave, shouldn't I?" She glanced over at him, but he just licked his paws.

She turned the air conditioning up for a minute, and then turned it off. She scrolled through radio stations not stopping on one long enough to even hear what was playing.

"Now I'm just being stupid," She sighed and unlocked her car door. She stepped outside and broke into a sweat. Gravel crunched under her foot as she took a slow, awkward step forward. She continued to move towards the house.

"Why did I choose here?" She asked no one in particular, "why the hell did I decide to come here first?"

Despite that thought, she continued to move forward. She made it to the front door, but didn't knock. Instead she looked inside the window and observed. She took half a step back when she saw Jack run across the room. He had a big blue backpack on the swung from side to side with each hurried step. Then she saw Aaron hand him a lunch box.

"I shouldn't have come," She whispered as she continued to walk backwards. She spun around on the gravel and shoved her hands into her jeans, shaking her head and berating herself at her stupidity. The door slammed shut behind her, and she paused a moment. She heard Hotch tell Jack to get in the car, but she couldn't hear his steps following the little boys.

Once the car door closed a footstep sounded behind Emily. She was at the end of the driveway and could hear him approaching her. She ducked her head down and counted the cracks in the road.

"Ma'am?" Emily gasped and shut her eyes when she heard his voice. It was smooth, just as she had remembered. But it was also different from before. She couldn't pinpoint what exactly it was, but there was something in it. Something that made her heart beat a little faster.

"Ma'am?" He questioned again, "Are you alright?"

Emily let out a slow even breath, counting to three in her head. She knew she had to do something now, she couldn't just stand there. "I shouldn't be here," she whispered, still keeping her head turned away.

A moment of silence passed, with Emily standing exactly as she had been, before Aaron spoke again, "Turn around."

Emily turned her head first, slowly. She caught a glance of his outfit, the same black suit she remembered him wearing. She brought her gaze up to his face and saw it change from confusion to recognition, and maybe wonder.

"Emily?" He whispered.

"Aaron?" Emily's eyebrows raised. She had imagined this moment millions of times while trying to fall asleep late at night. While she was in London all she could think of was coming home.

Hotch took a step forward and pulled her into his arms, "It's so great to see you," He said.

"Same. It's...good..."

He pulled away and smiled at her. "Why don't we get together tonight? You can tell me all about London. I have to get Jack to school now."

"That sounds great," Emily smiled, "I'd love to hear about you too. It's been a while."

"It has, hasn't it." He glanced back to the car, and then looked to Emily.

"You know, I should really get going," She started walking towards her car.

"Okay," he nodded, "Why don't we meet at Giovanni's at seven? We can talk over dinner."

"You know I would never say no to a quality Italian meal," Emily laughed before turning around and getting in her car.

The car hummed as Emily sat in it, watching. She watched Aaron get in the car. She watched it pull out of the driveway. And she watched it drive down the street.

XXX

Emily sat cross legged on top of the bed in her hotel room with Sergio curled up against her leg. She pet his head softly and he purred into the dark pink blanket. Bags filled with clothes sat on the floor to make up for the single carry on she had brought on the plane.

Emily stepped off the bed and rummaged through the bags trying to find something to wear. This wasn't a date, so was it two co-workers having dinner? Well they didn't work together anymore, so what were they? Friends?

Eventually she picked out a pair of black pants and a blue long sleeved shirt. It looked nice, but she wouldn't risk over dressing. Once dressed, she paced back and forth, looking at the clock every few steps, like time would speed up somehow.

"What am I doing, Sergio?" She asked out loud, "Do I want this to be a date? No," She shook her head, "that's not what I want, that's not why I came back."

She sighed when she saw it was time to leave and slung her purse over her shoulder, "You be good, Serg. I'll be back soon."

XXX

Emily sat at a table in the dimly lit restaurant and waited for Hotch to join her. She flipped through the menu and sipped on water to pass the time, looking up at the front door every few minutes.

She rested her chin on the palm of her hand and stared at the flickering candle, letting her mind wander.

"Hey Emily, sorry I'm late," Hotch said as he sat down in front of her, and smoothed his tie.

"Don't worry about it," She smiled, "I can say I understand and actually mean it."

"I'd say that's a first," He raised his eyebrows and took a sip of the glass in front of him, "have you ordered yet?"

"Not yet, too many choices to decide from," She held up her menu, "I can't even remember the last time I ate here."

"We came here after a case the month before you left," Hotch said while looking at the menu in front of him.

Emily froze and couldn't help but stare at him. He remembered that? She barely even remembered the day she left. It had all been such a blur. Garcia had insisted that they all come with her to the airport, she wanted to say a final goodbye, but Emily knew that would just make it harder. She couldn't remember what anyone wore, or what her luggage looked like, but she remembered boarding the plane and waving goodbye to the group of people she was leaving behind.

The moment she sat down in the plane and got buckled up, she started to second guess the choice she had made. Why was she leaving? The reasons seemed so insignificant now.

"Emily?"

Emily blinked and immediately blushed when she saw Aaron looking at her. He had caught her staring. Hotch gestured to the side of the table and that's when Emily noticed the man standing there with a white apron tied around his waist.

"Sorry," She cleared her throat, "I'll get the..." her eyes landed on something on the menu, "the spaghetti with meatballs and another water, please."

Before Hotch could say anything Emily glanced at her watch and excused herself from the table.

She got up and briskly walked to the bathroom. Two young women chatted through the stalls as Emily stood in front of the mirror and looked at herself, waiting for them to leave. They washed their hands and scurried out, giggling about a cute waiter, and Emily took out a small baggie from her purse. Inside were half a dozen pills, all of different sizes and colors. She choked each of them down with a handful of water, and tossed the bag into the trash can.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Thanks for the awesome response! Finals are now over and I should have more time to write :)**

**I do not own Criminal Minds**

Emily wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and adjusted her shirt. She straightened her back and walked to the table where Hotch was waiting for her.

"Sorry," she apologized as she sat back down.

"No need," Hotch smiled, "so how's London?"

"It's good," Emily nodded slowly, "It's good..."

"But?"

"How do you know there's going to be a but?" Emily asked.

"I worked with you for five years Emily, I know when there's a but," Hotch smiled at her and their eyes locked.

She rolled her eyes, but answered nonetheless, "But it's not here."

"So does this mean," Hotch raised his eyebrows, "you're here for good?

"I'm here for now" Emily answered.

"I can talk to Strauss, we should be able to get your spot back."

Emily shook her head, "I'm not here for a job, I just wanted to see you, the team."

He nodded slowly, "What are you planning on doing?"

"I think I'll take a few months off, figure things out."

"Well let me know if you change your mind, there will always be a place for you here," Hotch assured her.

"That's a kind offer, but I don't think I'll be taking you up on it," Emily could see Hotch's disappointment when she said that, "So how's Jack doing?" She attempted to change the subject.

"He's great," Hotch's face lit up, "his class is doing a play and he got picked for the lead. I'm just hoping he takes after Haley in the acting department, and not me," He laughed.

They continued to talk, Hotch caught her up on Jack and the team and Emily told him more about London. In some ways it seemed like Emily had never been gone, especially the way they could talk so easily together.

"Does anyone else on the team know you're back?" Hotch asked.

"Not yet, I wanted to let you know first. I'll talk to them soon though."

Just then the food arrived and the aroma of Italian food encased them. They ate in silence for a few minutes before they picked up their conversation again. This time Emily led it away from herself and instead asked Hotch as much as she could about work. Although she didn't particularly want to hear about their latest case, it was better than talking about her.

When they finished their meals Aaron insisted on paying and they got ready to leave. Before Emily stood up Hotch stopped her by resting a hand on her arm.

"I sense there's more to you coming back than what you've told me. I've gotten three messages from Clyde today asking if I knew where you were. I haven't responded, and I don't plan to. But I just want you to know that if you want to talk about it, I'm here," Aaron looked at her with his intense, dark eyes.

Emily nodded, "Thanks Aaron."

XXX

Emily stared outside and rested her hands on the window sill. The view from her hotel room wasn't great, a graffiti covered building and a small patch of dying grass. It was dark outside, and the stars were barely visible. She sighed and leaned her weight down on her hands.

She ran over the entire night with Hotch in her head, thought over each word that had been said. She could feel a tugging at her heart and tried to ignore it. She knew she couldn't start anything with him. She was here to see her friends, not to make new relationships.

Despite all she told herself, she couldn't help but think about his hand on her arm. About his deep eyes and his thoughtful words. About how she knew she wanted more.

But she couldn't do that. The second she had walked into the Doctor's office and saw the grim look on his face, she knew nothing would ever be the same. She could try coming back, and she could try living the life she'd had before. But those words were forever ingrained in her, and they changed her in a way that nothing else could.

She was changed, but despite all that, she would do whatever it took to make everything the same as when she had left. She needed normal now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! Thanks for the awesome reviews :) Here's the next chapter, and as always, I'd love to hear what you think!**

**I do not own Criminal Minds**

Emily woke up to the ringing of her cell phone and leaned over the side of her bed and felt around the floor for it. Without opening her eyes she flipped open her phone and said, "What?"

"Emily?"

She opened her eyes and blinked, and then blinked again. She looked over at the clock and saw it was one in the afternoon, she had slept for almost 15 hours straight.

"Emily, are you there?" She now recognized the voice as Hotch's.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm here," she tried to sound like she hadn't just woken up.

"I know this is none of my business, but Rossi was having the team over for dinner, and if you wanted to come it could be a good time to tell them you're back."

Emily took in a deep breath and closed her eyes again, leaning back onto the pillow, "I guess I have to do that, don't I."

Hotch, sensing her doubt, said, "They're going to be excited to have you back."

Emily just shook her head, "I left them. Again."

"People leave sometimes, they have to do what's best for them," Hotch said, "the team understands that. They understand that going to London was what you needed."

Was it? Emily asked herself. Did she get anything out of it? Did she get roots? Did she get a home? Did she find a family? All she found was another move, another country, and another attempt at everything she thought she was missing, but in reality, just couldn't see was right in front of her.

She took in a deep breath, "What time will they be there?"

"Six."

They said their goodbyes, and when Emily hung up she dropped the phone back to the ground. She then rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She felt the warmth of Sergio against her leg. Through the cracks in the curtains she could see sunlight.

She closed her eyes and fell back asleep.

XXX

Emily pulled into Rossi's driveway at 5:30 that night. She had woken up later in the afternoon and spent the time before she left worrying and doubting. What would she tell the team?

When she knocked on the door Rossi opened it expecting a familiar face, but instead was met with one he hadn't seen for months.

"Well this is an unexpected surprise," He grinned and motioned her inside, closing the door behind her. When they were both standing in the kitchen, so Rossi could watch his noodles cook on the stove, he asked, "When did you get back?"

"A few days ago," She looked around the kitchen, "the food smells great by the way."

Rossi jumped over to the other side of the kitchen and got a spoonful of sauce, he then brought it back and had Emily try it.

"Mmmm," She complimented, "it's good." She didn't tell Rossi about the fact that she'd just had Italian food or that the smell was starting to make her nauseous, "Mind if I go to the bathroom and freshen up before everyone else gets here?"

"Bathroom's down the hall and to the left," He motioned with a wooden spoon, "just in case you forgot."

Emily was looking in the mirror when she heard voices coming from outside.

"Don't start dinner without me, I just have to run to the ladies room!" Garcia shouted once she was already halfway down the hall.

Emily froze, her hand now on the doorknob, and before she had a chance to collect her thoughts the doorknob turned from the other side. Emily let go, and the door opened, revealing Garcia on the other side.

Garcia gasped, bringing her hand to her chest, "Wha- Where- Who- Huh?" Garcia stuttered incoherently. She turned to face down the hall. "Rossi!" She shouted, "did you know that Emily Prentiss was in your bathroom?"

Morgan's voice echoed through the halls, "What?"

Garcia turned back to the still stunned Emily and pulled her into a hug.

By the time Emily managed to escape her tight grip, the rest of the team was standing outside the bathroom. Morgan, JJ, and Reid's faces were filled with surprise.

"Hey," Emily raised her hand in a half-hearted wave.

"I thought you were in London," Reid said, shifting foot to foot and looking at the wall past her.

"Why didn't you tell us you were visiting?" Morgan asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

"How have you been?" JJ looked at her with a small smile, trying to hide her obvious excitement.

"Hey, hey," Rossi cut in, "I think this is a little overwhelming. Why don't we all sit down, eat some delicious food, and then we can talk."

XXX

They all sat around Rossi's large dining room table and passed dishes of Italian food around so that everyone, except Emily, had their plates full of pasta. When Emily had entered the dining room she saw a new face standing in the corner.

The woman spoke briefly to other members of the team, but avoided eye contact with Emily. But as they were sitting at the table, Emily kept glancing up to see the woman staring at her.

Her attention was torn away when they started asking her questions again.

"How long are you here for?" JJ asked as she scooped up spaghetti onto her fork.

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you all about," Emily said as she scooted the noodles around her plate with a fork, "I'm not going back to London, I'm staying here."

"Here?" Morgan asked, "As in Rossi's house?"

Rossi choked on his food and had to take a sip of water.

"No," She said reassuringly, "I'm staying at a hotel in town."

"You can't stay at a hotel," JJ exclaimed, "we have an open room at our house, why don't you stay there until you get a place?"

"Thanks for the offer, but there's a pool and a gym at this place, I think I'll survive until I find somewhere," Emily laughed.

"You're coming back to work though, right?" Morgan asked.

Emily sighed, "No, I can still see you guys though. I just don't think that's the best place for me right now."

Morgan opened his mouth to protest, but closed it again when Rossi put a hand on his shoulder, "Now's not the time," he whispered, "give her a little while, then you can give your little speech."

Morgan looked between Rossi and Emily, but kept his mouth shut.

For the rest of the night Emily answered questions, told stories, and avoided as much attention as was possible. But of course they were all curious about her arrival and wanted to know every detail. As the night continued on Emily's energy drained out of her, and all she wanted to do was go and get in bed.

She managed to make it through the night and once she had hugged everyone goodbye, it was just her, Rossi, and Hotch.

"Who was the new person?" Emily asked casually.

"Alex Blake. We got her to fill your... she's a good Agent," Hotch acknowledged.

Emily dropped the topic, "Thanks for dinner Dave, and for having my back in there."

"Any time Emily," He smiled and gave her a quick squeeze around her shoulders, "and despite my brief moment of discomposure there, you are always welcomed here." He kissed her cheek and opened the door for her and Hotch.

"That wasn't too bad, was it?" Hotch asked as they walked down the sidewalk towards the street.

Emily shrugged and stared at her feet as they walked.

"Come on Emily," Hotch grabbed her hand and turned her towards him, "we're all glad you're back. So why does it seem you're not as glad as we are?"

Emily sighed, "it's just..." she shook her head, "nevermind."

Hotch moved closer to her, "Emily..."

She ducked her head away, "I should get back, I'm pretty tired." She turned around and walked back to her car.

Hotch watched her as she walked away. He felt something pulling at his heart and he wanted to go after her. He could tell something wasn't right. The first time he saw her he noticed she had changed, he couldn't figure out why, but she was different than before.

But not only that, he felt different. Maybe it was because they weren't working together, or because she had been gone for so long. But he was feeling something now, like he wanted more than before.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey all! I hope you enjoy this chapter :)**

**I do not own Criminal Minds**

The team left on a case a few days later leaving Emily with a lot of time on her hands. She went into the city a few times, but spent most of her days in the hotel room. She had gone to the bookstore and picked up a pile of books she had always wanted to read but hadn't had the time.

She sat in the bed with Sergio at her feet and re-read her favorite book, Slaughterhouse Five. She ordered room service but only picked at it, taking a few bites before pushing it away.

She tried to keep herself occupied, either by reading, watching TV, or doing puzzles. She tried not to think about before, or remember that day. But anytime she wasn't doing anything the memories invaded her thoughts.

She remembered the smell of disinfectant as she arrived at the doctor's for the second time. She had gone for a check up, had a physical and got some blood drawn. It was supposed to be routine. But there was nothing routine about being called back the next day and asked to come in immediately.

She knew nothing could ever be the same after that day. That by coming back she was just hurting everyone more. She should have stayed in London.

Her phone rang and broke her thoughts. "Hello?"

"Hi Emily, it's Aaron."

"Oh, hey. How's the case going?" Emily sat the book down that she hadn't been reading.

"We're on the plane heading back now, we should be home in a half hour."

"That's... great..." Emily said, then hesitated, "how was... how did it...?"

"We got them," Hotch said, "but that's not what I was calling about. You remember that play I told you Jack was in? It's tonight, and I know he would love it if you came."

"Did you tell him I was here?" Emily asked quickly.

"Well no, but he'll remember you. He always loved seeing you, and it'd mean alot if you came," Emily could hear Hotch smiling on the other side of the phone line.

"Aaron," she said slowly, "I'm sorry..."

"Oh," Hotch said, clearly disappointed, "that's okay. Did you have other plans?"

"I just- yeah, I do."

Hotch was silent on the other end for a few moments, "I hope we can talk again soon."

"Yeah, me too."

When Emily hung up she set the phone down and dropped her head back, hitting it hard against the headboard.

Coming back was one thing, seeing people who she cared about, people who already knew her. But she couldn't do this to Jack. She couldn't see him just to leave, she couldn't hurt him like that.

Emily spent the rest of the day staring outside the window. "Maybe it's time for a better room," She said to Sergio, "one with a view."

When she finally couldn't take it anymore she got up and changed. "What are you doing?" She asked herself, "What the hell are you doing?"

XXX

Emily leaned against the dark blue doorway and watched a small stage across a sea of encouraging parents. She spotted Aaron in the third row holding up a video camera. JJ, Reid, Rossi, and the new woman, Blake, were all sitting next to him.

In a way she wished she were up there with them, but this was for the better. Just then Jack came across the stage and said a line Emily could barely hear from as far back as she was. Other kids got on the stage, they were all dressed up in attire from early American history. It wasn't until halfway through the play that Emily realized it was about the Presidents, and Jack was George Washington.

They had just left the stage and Emily was clapping when a voice came behind her, "Emily?"

She turned around and saw Morgan standing there.

"I thought you couldn't come? Well anyway, why don't you come and sit with us, there's an open seat," He offered.

"I can't," She said, "Please, don't tell Aaron I'm here."

Morgan looked at her with confusion in his eyes, "What's going on Prentiss? You haven't been acting like yourself ever since you came back."

"Derek..." Emily's eyes softened as she looked at him, "you should go sit down. Jack will be watching for you."

"Yeah, and he'll be wondering why you're not there sitting there next to me," Derek stood straighter.

"He doesn't need to know I'm back, and you're not going to tell him."

"Why not Emily? Why can't Jack know if you're here?"

"Just... just do this for me. Now go back before it finishes."

Morgan gave her a long glance before he went back to his seat. He cheered enthusiastically when Jack came to the stage and bowed. Parents around him stood and he followed, giving a whistle. Jack then jumped off the stage, ran over, and gave his dad a hug.

When Morgan looked back to the doorway, Emily was gone.

**A/N: I feel like its only appropriate now to let you all know that this story is going to be getting more towards the sad side of things. I hope you all continue reading, but I understand if that's not your thing. PM me if you have any questions! **

**-pinkturtle55**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone! I'm glad to see all of you still following with the story!**

Emily was tired. She was tired of taking pills every six hours. She was tired of sitting in her hotel room. And most of all, she was tired of ignoring Aaron's calls. After going to Jack's play last week she realized something. She wasn't only trying to protect Jack, but she was also trying to protect herself.

When the Doctor had told her, it hadn't seemed real. He called it denial, but it wasn't. She knew what was happening, but it just didn't feel like it was. She knew it didn't make sense to anyone else, but it made sense to her. When he had told her the news she had gone out to her car and sat there for an hour. She stared out the window as cars came and went, but she didn't move.

She probably wouldn't have moved if her phone hadn't rung. When she saw Clyde was calling she knew she needed to leave. She had to get out of London. But she shouldn't have come here. This was supposed to make it better, but everyday her heart seemed to be crushed into even smaller pieces under reality.

Coming home did nothing but give her something to miss, so now she had to leave before it hurt her even more, and before she hurt anyone else.

Emily stood up and stuffed all of her clothes into the shopping bags on the floor and threw everything else in them. She left her room key on the bed, scooped up Sergio and opened the front door.

Standing outside her door with his hand raised in a fist was Aaron.

"How'd you...?" Emily looked between her room and him.

"I work for the FBI, do you really think it was that hard?" Hotch said, taking the bags from her hand, "Why have you been avoiding my calls?"

"Why do you keep calling?"

"Because I care about you Emily, I care about you, and you are going through something."

"You don't need to be here and you don't need to help me," Emily said firmly.

Hotch set the bags down and stepped into the hotel room, "I don't know what's going on with you, but I do know that I want to go through it with you. I missed my chance before, but I'm not going to this time."

Emily let Sergio jump from her arm as Aaron brought his hand up to her face, "Emily..." He moved his face closer to hers, "Just talk to me..."

Emily shook her head against his hand, "No talking..." She moved her lips against his and pulled his head closer, running her fingers through his hair. Aaron slid his hands around her waist and brought her body closer to his.

She pulled them backward and they fell back on the bed, Hotch supporting himself over her body. He ran his fingers through her hair and pulled away to look at her.

Emily looked up and saw something in his eyes that scared her. Her body stiffened and Hotch noticed. "Are you okay?" He asked, concerned.

Emily pulled out from underneath him and slid to the other side of the bed. She leaned against the headboard and closed her eyes. Hotch pulled himself up and sat next to her. He took her hand in his and noticed that she didn't hold his back.

"Emily, I'm not going anywhere," Aaron whispered, "and whatever's going on, I'm here with you through all of it."

"What if I don't want you here?" Emily whispered back.

"Too bad, because I'm not leaving."

Emily leaned her head against his shoulder and squeezed his hand. She remembered what the doctor told her, he told her to do everything she'd always wanted to. See the world, experience new things, and not worry about the future. But this was all she wanted to do, and this is what made her worry.

"Shouldn't you be getting home?" Emily asked

"Jack's at a friends, I'm all yours tonight."

"You don't know what you're getting into," Emily warned.

"You've always been complicated, Emily, but you're worth it. Let me take you on a date, let me show you that I care."

Emily hit her head against the headboard and grimaced, "Don't ask me that."

"Emily Prentiss, will you go on a date with me?" Hotch turned so he was looking at her, "Let me take you out to dinner."

"No dinner," Emily shook her head.

"Okay, then let me take you out of this hotel room, you can get some fresh air."

"Fine," Emily caved, "but it's not a date, and there are some conditions. We don't go to your place, and don't tell Jack."

"Okay, I can handle that. Now let's go on a 'not a date'." Hotch stood up and offered Emily a hand, "Come on."

XXX

Emily and Aaron walked side by side down the street knuckles brushing. Emily looked into shop windows while Aaron watched her.

"Things haven't been the same since you left," Hotch said.

"Let's not talk about that," Emily said, still looking away.

They continued walking down the street, their hands touching. With each step Emily could feel her feet getting heavier. She brushed her bangs away from her sweating forehead. She tried to push away the impending exhaustion, but it kept coming back. She could feel herself growing weaker and remembered why she spent most days in her hotel room.

She stopped in front of a window and put her hand out to rest on the wall. She took deep breaths and tried to pull together some strength.

"Emily?" Hotch leaned over and brushed her hair away from her face, "you don't look good," he said under his breath.

"You're so flattering," Emily managed.

"Come on, there's a bench over here." He lead her over and they sat down.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine," She waved him off.

"You're pale and sweating, you're not fine."

"Probably just a bug," She whispered before leaning against his arm and closing her eyes.

XXX

When Emily woke up she was in her bed and Hotch was sleeping in a chair across the room. She was still in her clothes, but her shoes had been taken off and she was tucked into blankets. She laid there staring at Aaron's face. It was peaceful in sleep. There were no lines or bags under his eyes.

She then remembered her pills and shot out of bed and hurried to the bathroom. She stared at the plastic baggie of the ones she had missed last night and sighed. After she shoved the pills down her throat she left the bathroom and walked over to Hotch.

She brushed her fingers lightly against his cheek and kissed his forehead, "I think... I think I'm falling in love with you," She whispered.

Then she climbed back into bed and fell asleep.

**What do you think?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello! I'm glad to be hearing all your thoughts about the story! For those of you who have been asking, you'll be finding more about what's wrong with Emily in the next chapter, you'll just have to hold on until then :)**

Emily got a new hotel room that week. One with an outdoor pool and fake palm trees. She made sure her room had a view, price wasn't a problem. She was sitting on her bed staring out the window to the grass that was so green it almost didn't look real when a knock came on the door.

"Come in," She called, not wanting to get up, and she already knew who it was.

Hotch walked through the unlocked door and gave her a smile. He had been coming over a few days a week after work, and sometimes on weekends when Jack had a play date.

"How're you doing?" He asked.

"I'm good," Emily smiled.

Come on," Aaron motioned his hand to the door, "I've got a surprise for you."

Emily gingerly stepped out of the bed. She was still in her clothes from the night before so she went to the dresser and grabbed clothes to change into, "I'll be back in a second," she promised, and then walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind herself.

When she had taken her clothes off she stopped and looked at herself in the mirror. She had lost a lot of weight, and not in a good way. She could see her ribs and her skin color was starting to dull. She sighed and pulled a black beach dress over her head. The color contrasting sharply with her pale skin.

When she went back to the room her and Aaron left and walked down the hall together, Emily didn't even bothering to ask where they were going. He lead her to the pool and a set of beach chairs he had prepared. They were cushioned there were drinks sitting at the table.

"It's our own little vacation," He explained, "I figure it won't be long until you get your own place so we won't have the luxury of a pool for too much longer."

Yeah, Emily thought resigned, but not because I move. But she didn't say that outloud and instead smiled and sat down. Hotch sat next to her and took her hand.

"Have you reconsidered my offer about coming back to the BAU? I know the team would love to have you back."

"No, Aaron. I already told you this, I can't come back."

"Okay, do you know what you're going to do instead?" He asked.

"I'm not sure," she shrugged, "I'll figure it out eventually."

"Have you even thought about it?" He sounded concerned.

"That's my business, and I usually don't talk business while on vacation. That is where we are right? The beach. Maybe Florida or California."

"Yeah, of course."

Emily closed her eyes and imagined she was sitting in the warm sand. She could almost feel the grains running between her toes and hear the sound of crashing waves. She took in a deep breath and could smell the salt lingering in the air.

But when she opened her eyes she was back at the pool in a hotel just off the city. There were a few other people, but mostly it was deserted. No kids splashed in the pool and no parents yelled at their kids for running. It was quiet. It should have been peaceful, but quiet meant time in her own head.

"Do you believe in Heaven and Hell?" Emily finally asked.

Hotch turned and looked at her, "I think there's something out there. I like to think that Hayley's in Heaven right now living the life I could never give her."

Emily closed her eyes again, "Do you think that if you do enough good, it can cancel out the bad? Or are you doomed to Hell?" She thought of herself as a teenager. Being reckless, making life changing decisions.

"Why are you asking?"

"Just what do you think?"

"I think that if there's a God out there, he doesn't judge off one action, he looks at you as a whole. People make mistakes, but it doesn't mean they're bad."

"I'd like to think that too," Emily said. She hoped it were true. That maybe catching enough bad guys could make up for her mistakes.

"What's got you thinking about this?" Hotch asked again.

"The sky's just so blue," She looked up, "it's hard to believe there could be something up there. But I think, I think maybe there is. I just have to believe there's something after this. Even if it's not Heaven or Hell. I just have to believe there's something..." Emily closed her eyes again, she'd always been unsure when it came to Religion, doubting it more than anything, but right now she was just looking for something to hold on to.

"With this job, you need something to hold onto."

They spent the rest of the day outside on those chairs. Emily slept on and off, and when she opened her eyes for the fourth time, it was dark. They were now alone at the pool and all she could hear was the sound of crickets.

She looked up to the sky and saw stars twinkling. They felt like light years away and all too close at the same time. She didn't like to think about what it would be like, her final breath, but sometimes she couldn't help herself.

What would she be thinking? Who would she see? Would she know what was going on?

While she was thinking these thoughts suddenly Aaron swung his legs over the side of the chair so he was watching her.

"You've been stuck in your head all day Emily, what have you been thinking?"

Emily turned over and looked at him thoughtfully, "Nothing important," she whispered. She reached out her hand towards him and he leaned forward. She guided his face to hers, and soon Aaron took control.

He got off the chair and leaned over her. Aaron rested his hand gently on her cheekbone and brought his face closer to hers, he could feel the heat from her body. He noticed things about her from this close that he hadn't seen before. Like how there were little wrinkles around her eyes from smiling, and the way she wore no makeup.

But he also noticed that her cheeks were seemingly sunk-in and her eyes seemed duller somehow.

But Emily wouldn't let him look long and soon they were kissing. Her lips were soft against his and he couldn't get enough. A soft breeze swept through and caused Emily's hair to fly away from her face.

Hotch pulled away and looked at her again, "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

When Aaron stared into her eyes he thought he saw something like fear or pain, but it left almost as soon as it came, so he let the thought drift away with the wind. He kept his hand on her cheek and smiled gently, "After Haley I didn't think there could be anyone else, I didn't want anyone else. But you Emily... I'm so glad you came back... home... I don't know how you feel about me, that's okay. But I need to tell you something, I love you Emily. Ever since you came back I've been falling in love with you."

Emily felt something in her heart tear when she saw the look in his eyes, "I love you too." The words slipped out before she could stop them and she cursed silently. She wasn't supposed to do this.

This was never to fall in love, and most of all, this was never to break his heart. All she had wanted was to be home when it happened. But she had fallen in love so fast she almost hadn't realized it was happening.

She had been at peace with what her doctor told her. A month, maybe more, maybe less. There was nothing they could do. She had been at peace.

But now she wanted to live, because she had something to live for. Someone.

After Aaron left, Emily found herself sitting at the small desk in her hotel room. The main lights were off, but her pen was guided by the small lamp on the corner of the desk. Her eyes grew moist and her eyesight blurry

Salty water droplets stained the paper as a mark of her pain. She wiped her cheeks dry and stared at the paper in front of her. It was labeled,

_My Will_


	8. Chapter 8

**Here's a quick update for you guys! I wanted to thank you for all your reviews, you've all been so incredibly great. I love reading each and every one of them.**

Emily couldn't say it. It was a poison. It poisoned her mind and poisoned her body. The unseen villain, the one she couldn't fight, the one with no logic, reason, morals, or motive. It attacked blindly, not caring of the casualties it left behind.

She remembered the words her doctor had used. Too far progressed. Surgery not an option. Only prolong it. Terminal.

She was sick, but it didn't matter what it was, no name could suit the thing destroying her. It didn't deserve that when it was taking her from the inside out. All that mattered was that there was something foreign in her body, and it was killing her. Call it a disease, an illness, call it whatever you like.

The medicine pushed it down, but the villain kept fighting, the medicine prolonged it, but the villain would never give up, the medicine gave her time, but soon the villain would take it all away.

And all Emily wanted was not to hurt too many people when she died.

She continued to grow weaker throughout the next few weeks as she fought against the villain. It was hard for her to hold down food and all of her new clothes were getting too big. Whenever she went places with Aaron she made sure to sleep a lot before and not stay out too long. It was hard to hide everything, so she'd come up with excuses, like she had a cold, or hadn't gotten much sleep.

She'd gotten together with the rest of the team, but it had taken too much out of her. Trying to hide this from her friends was like trying to run from one end of eternity to the other. It drained her and all she had wanted to do was go back to the room she had been calling her home.

She felt bad not seeing them, but maybe this was better. Maybe she wouldn't hurt them as badly. Maybe she wouldn't hurt herself.

She couldn't tell if Aaron was starting to get suspicious or not, so she just pretended he had no idea. It made everything easier. She was lying in her bed when Aaron called, she didn't have to look at her caller ID, because he was the only one who called her anymore.

"Hey Aaron," She smiled with her eyes closed.

"Hey Em," He sounded worried, or maybe panicked, and he was breathing heavily.

Emily's eyes shot open, "Are you okay?"

"Not really," He admitted, "Jack's grandma is in the hospital and his aunt is there with her."

"I'm so sorry," Emily said, "Are they okay."

"I don't know, they're not sure what's wrong with her yet. But we've got a case, and I really need to go. Could you watch Jack?"

"Hotch," Emily said, warning him from continuing.

"I know I told you I wouldn't tell him about us, and I haven't, but I really need someone I trust," Hotch said hurriedly.

"Dammit Aaron, what part of what I said don't you understand."

"Please Emily, you can stay over at my place. He'll be at school all day, he's a good kid. Just make sure he does his homework and eats," Hotch was nearly begging by now, "I have to leave tonight. Emily there are kids getting murdered-"

"Don't," Emily cut him off, "don't you ever use that on me. I had that job for five years, so don't you dare treat me this way. We had a deal." Emily hung up before he could say anything else.

When Emily hung up she was mad. She was mad at Aaron for putting her in this position. But despite that, a half hour later she was standing on Hotch's front porch with a duffel bag in her hand.

"I didn't think you'd come," Hotch said as he answered the door.

"Well here I am," She said bitterly as she walked in the front door and dropped her bag on the floor.

"Okay," Hotch got back to scrambling around the house, "Jack's at school right now, he'll be home at three. Make sure he does his homework before cartoons and he needs to eat all his vegetables if he wants dessert. You can sleep in my room and Jack can help you if you need anything. I'll be back as soon as I can," Hotch picked up his briefcase, "Call me if you need anything."

"Okay," She said monotone as she watched him hurry out the door.

Once he was gone Emily walked through the kitchen looking in all the cabinets. Then she moved to the living room and sat down on the couch. She took out her book but couldn't concentrate on the words.

This wasn't supposed to happen, she had made sure. She couldn't handle anymore hurt, and she couldn't handle hurting anyone else. She was supposed to enjoy these months, not spend them worrying about others. She could handle Aaron, she was handling him, but she couldn't handle Jack, not now.

Emily stood up and started pacing up and down the halls. She looked at the pictures that hung on the wall. Jack's latest school picture was up there, and one of him playing soccer. There was a picture of Aaron and Haley when Jack was just a baby.

Emily remembered when Haley died, it had destroyed Hotch. They were all listening when Foyet shot her, and they all saw what happened next. Hotch was never the same again. Emily had lost people before. She'd lost her friend Matthew and her friend Tsia.

It wasn't until now that Emily realized exactly what she was doing to Aaron. They were falling in love just in time for her to leave.

Emily heard the front door open and turned around. Jack walked in with his backpack swinging side to side just as it had the last time she saw him.

"Hi Jack," Emily said gently, "Do you remember me?"

"Of course I do," He gave her a small smile, "You're Auntie Emily." His light brown hair went midway down his forehead and his smile was crooked.

"That's right, you can just call me Emily though. You're Dad had to leave on a case and your Aunt isn't able to watch you."

"Okay," He shrugged his shoulders and walked to the kitchen where he dropped his backpack, "How long are you going to be here for?" He asked.

"I'm not sure Jack," She said honestly, "I'm just not sure."

"Can I watch cartoons?"

Emily thought about what Hotch had said and then shrugged her shoulders, "Sure," there would be time later for homework.

"Cool!" Jack hurried over and turned the TV on and then sat on the couch. Emily went over and sat next to him. As they watched cartoons Jack's head slowly made it's way to Emily's shoulder. She looked over at him and saw his perfectly content face.

I'm never going to forgive you for this Hotchner, she thought to herself, never.

**A/N: I'm going to clear up a few things just in case you are confused. Many of you have been hoping to find out what's wrong with Emily, and you may have noticed there is no specific name to what illness she has, and I've done that intentionally. I know many of you want to know specifically what's wrong with her, but this story isn't about that specific disease, it could represent any disease or illness. **

**I'm trying my best to explain this, and I hope my writing alone does, but if you have any questions, feel free to PM me**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for the PM's and reviews, they honestly mean SO much to me! Just be sure to sign in if you ask me a question in a review, that way I can get back to you (which I am trying my best to do!). I love hearing from all of you!**

It was now the weekend and Hotch wasn't back yet. He called every night to update Emily and tell Jack goodnight. But what was Emily supposed to do with a little boy all weekend? They were sitting down at the table and Jack was eating chicken nuggets and carrots.

"Where's your food?" He asked Emily.

"I'm not hungry tonight buddy, you just finish your food."

"But Daddy says we have to eat our dinner, we can't leave the table until we do," He insisted.

"Jack..."

"It's a rule," He said simply.

Emily sighed and stood up, getting a plate and putting two nuggets on it and three carrots. When she sat back down she made a big deal of taking her first bite and then settled back in her chair.

She could feel Jack watching her, so she stuffed the food down her throat and ignored the bad feeling it was giving her.

"There," She proclaimed, "now we're both done. Why don't we go watch a movie?"

"Can we watch Captain America?" Jack asked as he brought his plate to the kitchen.

"If you can go get it running, then sure," Emily put the dishes in the dishwasher and washed her hands. While Jack ran over to the living room she leaned against the counter and took in a few deep breaths. When she composed herself she went over and sat down on the couch.

"What do you want to do tomorrow Jack?" Emily asked during the previews.

"Hmm," He pondered, "can we go to the zoo?" His eyes brightened.

Emily forced a smile, "the zoo it is!"

She couldn't concentrate on the movie, but instead grimaced at the way her stomach was feeling. There was a reason she hadn't eaten a meal all week. She could feel her stomach rejecting the food she had forced down. She swallowed and willed her stomach to calm down.

It worked for a bit, but then she knew it was coming. She got up from the couch and hurried to the bathroom. She barely made it in time, kneeling in front of the toilet. Her body shook as she vomited and coughed. She flushed the toilet and leaned back against the bathroom wall. When she looked up Jack was standing in the hall.

"Are you okay?" He looked scared.

"Of course, I just had a little upset stomach, but I'm okay now. Why don't you go back to the movie?" As soon as he left, Emily sunk back down and let out a big sigh. She was in no condition to be watching an energetic little boy.

As soon as the movie was over Emily proclaimed it bed time. Jack bargained briefly for five more minutes but grudgingly trudged up to bed after Emily wouldn't budge.

After the first night of killing her back on the couch she had eventually moved to Hotch's room. She got a weird feeling whenever she stepped in his room but forgot it the second she laid on the bed and fell asleep.

But tonight Emily couldn't sleep. She was exhausted, had been every night she was here, but sleep evaded her. She thought about the little boy she had been living with and watching for the past few days. Whenever he was doing his homework he stuck out his tongue in concentration. His favorite shirt was his blue Captain America one, and he would only eat cereal out of the red bowl.

When she daydreamed with him around she couldn't help but think of what it would be like if her and Hotch stayed together, if maybe one day they got married, and she got to be Jack's mom. But then she remembered none of that could happen, and that hurt her more than anything.

She didn't know how much longer she could be around this life she could never have. She hadn't even known she'd wanted it before she knew it could be taken so easily. She had thought of having kids before, but never too seriously. She had no luck with men in her life and was too busy to do much of anything.

She had put work in front of everything. In front of living.

She didn't regret working for the BAU for those years, she loved it, she just wished she could have also had a life. But those two rarely went hand in hand.

She rolled over in the bed and pulled the pillow to her face. She tried to shut the voices off in her head and eventually sleep came.

XXX

When Emily woke up it was still dark out. She turned to the clock and saw it was four in the morning. She felt something shifting in the other side of the bed and turned around.

Jack was laying there above the blankets wearing his Spider Man pajamas. Emily smiled and stepped out of the bed. She grabbed a folded up blanket from the floor and spread it over him.

Suddenly she felt a sharp pain in her stomach and bent over. She reached to the corner of the bed to support herself and groaned. She willed the pain away, but it didn't help and she stood there hunched over. Each breath she took caused the pain to jab her in the gut. She took a step, and that made it even worse.

Then the pain moved and she ran to the bathroom knowing what to expect. For the second time that night she leaned over the toilet and vomited. She gripped the sides of the toilet and tears came to her eyes as she coughed and vomited again.

When her stomach finally settled she leaned over to flush the toilet, but what she saw made her heart sink.

The blood.

At that moment she knew it was starting. The doctor had warned her about this. First she would just be tired and weak, then she'd get sick to her stomach, eventually vomiting blood. It was then when she was supposed to go to the hospital. But she couldn't, Jack was here.

There was nothing they could do anyway, nothing but make her comfortable. She didn't need comfortable, she needed to be here with Jack until Aaron got back.

Emily gave herself a minute before flushing the toilet, brushing her teeth, and getting back in bed. She gave Jack one more long look before she turned to face the wall and closed her eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys, I hope you're having a great week! As always, I love all the reviews you guys leave :) Thanks for reading!**

"Emily!"

"Wake up Emily!"

"It's time for the ZOO!

Emily opened her eyes and rolled over. Jack was on his knees next to her shaking her shoulder.

"Okay," She mumbled, "go get dressed and I'll get ready."

When Jack left the room Emily rolled off the bed and walked bleary eyed into the shower. She tried to mentally prepare herself for the day as she quickly washed her hair.

As she was toweling off in the bathroom she suddenly leaned over and vomited again. She let out a tired sigh as she flushed the bloody vomit down the toilet. She brushed her teeth twice but couldn't fully get the taste out of her mouth.

She finally gave up trying and changed into and too big pair of pants and a t- shirt. She put her cell phone and wallet in her purse and slung it over her shoulder. When she walked downstairs Jack was sitting at the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal out of his red bowl. He was wearing a pair of shorts and his Captain America shirt. Emily didn't bother to remind him that he had worn that yesterday.

She grabbed a granola bar from the cabinet and took a bite. She was trying to get energy for the day but also didn't want to throw up again. She stuffed the rest in her purse and waited for Jack to finish getting ready. He added a yellow hat to his outfit and they got in Emily's rental car.

For the entire drive Jack told Emily about the last time his daddy had taken him to the zoo. They didn't get to go to the Safari place because it was closed, Jack wondered if they could go today.

"Sure," Emily said, only half listening to what he was actually saying.

When they got to the zoo Emily had to park far away and they walked a few minutes to the front which was crowded with people. Emily bought them tickets after waiting in line for ten minutes, and Jack was starting to get antsy.

Jack started running down the hall and Emily caught up with him, "Hey Jack, no running, okay buddy?"

"Fine," He said while looking in every direction.

"Where do you want to go first?" She asked.

"The UnderWater World!"

Luckily that one was right down the hall and Emily was able to keep an eye on Jack as he hopped up and down and tried his best not to run. When they got into the room it was dark and Emily thanked God for the cold air.

She was nearly out of breath and was already sweating. Emily could already tell that coming to the Zoo wasn't a good idea. But since they were already here she wanted Jack to have fun. She looked over and saw him staring at the Dolphins in a huge tank. He had his smalls hands up against the glass and stared wide eyed.

"Look at these Emily!" He called her over. She stood next to him and was mesmerized by the swimming animals. From above water their fins looked so much like sharks, but seeing them underwater she wondered how anyone could think they were the same at all.

They were beautiful and moved swiftly in the water. Just by looking at them, and the way they swam, you could tell they were nice. Not like sharks at all.

Jack moved around the different parts of the exhibit, watched a million different fish swim in a tank and touched a sea anemone. He giggled when it closed around his finger and Emily couldn't help but smile. After he washed his hands they moved on to a different exhibit.

This one didn't interest him as much, it was filled with wild birds. Emily liked all the different colors, but they moved on quickly. While they were walking down the hallway Emily felt that familiar pain in her stomach and scanned for a bathroom. She grabbed Jack's hand and hurried over.

"Jack, I need you to stand right here," She pointed to the wall by the bathroom, "don't move for anything, and don't talk to anyone, okay?"

Once he agreed Emily hurried into the bathroom, the pain was getting worse. But she halted when she saw the long line of women in front of her. She closed her eyes and swallowed thickly, but the pain persisted. Finally, when she knew there was no time left, she swiftly moved to the front of the line, mumbling apologies.

She could feel the bile rising in her throat as she waited for the next stall to open. People were shouting at her, telling her she couldn't cut, but she couldn't concentrate. When the next door opened she hurried in, having no time to close the door, and did the inevitable.

She wiped her mouth with a piece of toilet paper and then flushed the toilet. She felt totally drained of energy. When she left the stall she got a mixture of looks, some dirty, some disgusted, and a few sympathetic. She washed her hands and her mouth and hurried back out to the hall.

She found Jack exactly where he was when she left and thanked God he hadn't moved.

"Can we go to the Safari now?" Jack shouted when he saw Emily.

"I don't know..."

"But you promised!" His face twisted to a pout.

Emily let out a deep sigh, "Okay, but not for too long."

Jack's face turned back to a grin and they walked together to the Safari exhibit. When they stepped outside the sun hit her and Emily had to look at Jack to continue walking. She didn't see any of the animals they passed and instead focused on putting one foot in front of the other.

While Jack stared through the glass at the Prairie Dogs Emily rested against it. Her head started to hurt and soon she was getting light headed. As they walked to the next animal Emily didn't know how much farther she could go.

But they were in the the middle of the exhibit.

"Jack," She called softly, her vision was blurred and she was getting even more unsteady, "Jack I need... I need you to..." She never finished her sentence and fell to the dirt ground.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for all of the reviews :) I hope you're all having a great weekend and enjoy this next chapter!**

Emily woke up in the back of an ambulance. "Jack..." she groaned. Her head was pounding and although her eyes were open, she couldn't see clearly. She struggled to sit up but something held her back. She needed to find Jack and make sure he was okay.

"Ma'am I need you to calm down. Your son called 911 with your cell phone and we got the Zoo Security to you, you're in an ambulance right now, you passed out," Someone said.

Emily continued to move, she needed to stand up,"Where's... Jack..."

"He's in the front coming with us to the hospital."

"Good..." Emily sunk back against a firm hand.

"You're extremely dehydrated so we're going to give you fluids."

Emily mumbled something but closed her eyes again. Jack was safe, that's all that mattered.

XXX

When Emily woke up again she was in a hospital. She could tell by the white walls and the smell. She would never forget that smell. She had an IV in her arm that was giving her clear fluids.

She looked out the window and saw she was in the ER. People moved around frantically and doctors and nurses treated people.

A man walked into the room, "Good Afternoon Emily, it's good to see you're awake." He was wearing blue scrubs and had a pink scrub hat tied around his head.

"Jack?" She asked.

"Jack's in the waiting room with a nurse. He's a very brave little boy."

Emily gave a small smile and nodded.

The Doctor then turned to her and looked very serious, "We're treating you for dehydration and heat exhaustion now, but we ran your blood and got some irregularities."

"I know," Emily sighed, "I know I'm sick." She explained what the Doctor in London had told her and suddenly the man's face turned ashen.

"How much longer?" He asked quietly.

"I started vomiting blood yesterday, a few days...?"

"Why didn't you come in sooner, you do know what's next, right?" He walked closer so he was standing right next to the bed.

"I didn't want to be here, there's nothing you can do." She stared at the white tile floor.

"We can give you fluids and pain medicine."

"I want to be home."

He looked at her closely, "I'm going to get you transferred to a private room upstairs. We'll continue hydrating you and go from there."

Emily was wheeled upstairs to a private room. From the bed she stared out the window and saw the city streets below. They had given her back her cell phone and now she had to call Aaron. She had to know what to do with Jack. This wasn't how she wanted him to find out, but now there was no more avoiding it.

Her hand shook as she tried to dial the numbers. It seemed so surreal. Finally she managed to press the correct numbers and took in a deep breath while it rang.

"Hotchner," he answered.

"Aaron, it's Emily, do you have time to talk?"

"A few minutes, we're closing in on the suspect now." He said with strain in his voice.

"You know, why don't you just call me back when you have more time, it can wait."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Emily hung up and stared at the phone in her hand. She felt her stomach sink and she dropped the phone to the bed.

A few minutes later a nurse brought Jack into the room. His eyes were wide and he looked around the room. She patted the bed for Jack to sit on the end.

"I'm sorry if I scared you, Jack," Emily said, "I'm a little sick, but you don't need to worry about me."

"Like when I get a fever and have to stay home from school?" He asked innocently.

"Yeah, kind of like that."

When a nurse came in a few minutes to adjust the IV Emily asked for a deck of cards.

"Do you know how to play Goldfish, Jack?" She asked.

"Yup," Jack nodded proudly, "my friend Gabe taught me last year."

She dealt out the cards and they played round after round, only pausing when a nurse came in. Emily let him beat her a few times, and then he started winning on his own.

"I'm hungry," Jack said during the middle of one of the games.

It was dinner time so she called for a nurse and asked her if she could take Jack to the Cafeteria. After much persuasion the nurse allowed Emily to go as long as she brought the IV with her.

Emily and Jack walked down the hall together, and when they stepped onto the elevator Jack reached out and grabbed her hand.

XXX

After coming back from the cafeteria Emily set up a kids movie in the TV and took a nap. She woke up to the ringing of her cell phone and answered it.

"Mmmm?" She asked groggily.

"Emily? Sorry I couldn't talk earlier.

"Did you get him?"

There was a pause on the other end of the phone, "No."

"Oh," Emily said.

"What did you call about before?" He asked.

"Well," Emily started, "I don't want you to worry but Jack and I are at the hospital right now."

"Is he alright?" Hotch asked immediately.

"He's okay. He's not why we're here."

"Then why? Wait... you...?"

Emily brought her voice down to a whisper so Jack wouldn't hear, "Yeah, I'm... sick. You don't need to come, I just need to know, is there a neighbor Jack can stay with?"

"Wait, Emily," He said, "what's wrong?"

"I'd rather talk about it when you get back from the case. Don't worry about me. What about Jack though, I don't know if he should stay here."

"Just hold on, okay Emily? I'll be back as soon as I can."

"No," Emily said firmly, "you have a case, those kids... you have to stay."

There was a long pause before Aaron spoke again, "I love you Emily," he whispered.

"I love you too..." Emily said before he hung up

It wasn't until she rested the phone back on the table and closed her eyes that she realized he hadn't given her any directions for Jack.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys! I hope you all had a great weekend. Once again I wanted to thank you for the amazing response I've gotten from you all :)**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'd love to hear what you think. **

The sun had long set behind the trees and Emily's room was dark. There was still no word from Hotch, so the nurse wheeled in an extra bed and Jack lay sleeping on it with the blanket tucked up to his chin.

Emily laid on her side and watched him. His face was serene and he was breathing evenly. Every once in awhile he would shift and roll to his other side. Emily tried closing her eyes, but she didn't know how many times she would get to see this little boy, so instead she kept them open and let her mind wander.

The doctor had told her what would happen, but somehow she expected it to be different.

Maybe she expected to be alone, or maybe she expected to be in his arms. But she didn't expect this.

Lying alone in a hospital room watching the sweetest, most adorable boy slowly fade away. But he wasn't the one fading, she was.

She thought of the lives she had entered and the ones she would be leaving. She regretted all the choices she'd made, and regretted not making the ones she hadn't. She regretted waiting until she was dying to come home.

But most of all, she regretted falling in love.

"Emily," a whisper came.

Emily rolled over again and saw Aaron standing in the doorway. He was still in a suit and his briefcase was clutched in his hand.

"Hey," she whispered back. She sat up in the bed and stepped down, wheeling the IV with her to the doorway.

"Emily," he repeated, staring at the IV, his eyes were wide.

"Oh come on, it's not that bad," Emily rested her hand gently on his upper arm, "let's walk," she suggested.

Hotch nodded and they walked down the hall together. Emily wheeled the IV with her left hand and kept the other to her side.

"What's wrong, Emily?"

"Way to ease into it," Emily smiled, but when she looked to him and saw how serious he was the smile dropped from her face.

Aaron took Emily's hand and looked at her as they continued to walk down the hall. His eyes begged for this not to be as bad as he was thinking. He prayed that his imagination was just taking the best of him.

And then Emily told him. And when the words stopped, so did he.

He stared at her, "Isn't there something they can do? Surgery, medicine?"

"There's nothing," Emily whispered.

"There has to be something," he urged, "they can't just... they can't just..." He brought his free hand to his mouth and turned away for a moment before looking back.

"Aaron," Emily breathed

"And you knew."

Emily nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She looked past him to the nurses station, she couldn't stand to look into his eyes that held so much pain, "I didn't want anything to be different, I just wanted to come home and say goodbye."

"But I could've helped, I could've... I could've done something!" Aaron's eyebrows came together in a desperate attempt to understand.

"No Aaron, you couldn't have. Believe me, if there was something..." Her voice broke.

Aaron dropped her hand from his and stared at her, his eyes moist.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," Emily said, her voice desperate, "I just wanted to say goodbye to my friends... my family. You weren't supposed to..."

"I wasn't supposed to what?"

"You weren't supposed to make me fall in love with you," Emily looked up to him and saw the hurt in his eyes. She reached for his hand again, but he pulled it away, "Aaron..." she started.

"I-" he whispered, stepping away, "I'm sorry."

Emily stood rooted in her spot and watched him walk away. She watched him go into the room. She watched him carry Jack out.

She couldn't move, she couldn't think, all she could do was stand. Alone in a hospital hall in the middle of the night, clutching to the thin metal IV pole.

She didn't know how long she stood there, just that a nurse came and led her back to her room. There were stars high up in the sky out her window, but she couldn't see them. She was numb. She knew deep down there was pain, but her body was protected itself. Protecting itself for what she had feared the most.

Not dying. Aaron walking away.

A groan escaped her lips as her stomach turned. She stayed where she was until the last possible moment when she tripped to the adjacent bathroom. She didn't bother to turn the lights on and fell to her knees in front of the toilet.

She started coughing and blood spattered her hand. Suddenly the numbness lifted and all she felt was pain.

Tears came to her eyes and she leaned against the wall, tucking her knees to her chest. She didn't know what she was crying about. Maybe nothing. Probably everything.

When she was younger she thought she would die at age 106, what kid didn't? But as she grew older she knew she wouldn't live to be that old. But she pictured her death being heroic. Maybe taking a bullet for someone, but not this.

Not meaningless. Not a pathetic mess. Bloody and crying and laying on the floor of a hospital. Not alone.

But as the minutes passed she understood her reality. Understood it with the clarity she had thought she had, but hadn't.

So she let her body relax and closed her eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello everyone, I hope your week is going well! All of you readers are so AMAZING, thank you so much for all of the reviews you've left and favorites and alerts, it means so much to me! **

**Just to let you guys know, there is going to be one more chapter after this one. I'd love to continue to hear from you :)**

Time ticked by slowly as the rest of the hospital went about it's business. Patients slept, nurses filled out paperwork, and doctors got the little rest they could. Artificial light filled the hospital, a sharp contrast to the dark skies outside. The ever lingering smell of hospital remained.

Miles away Aaron gripped the steering wheel of his car so tight his knuckles turned white. He stopped at a red light and looked to the back seat where Jack was buckled in. He was still sleeping soundly, oblivious to what had happened, living in his own childish ignorance.

Hotch could barely pay attention to the road, the conversation from earlier ringing in his ears.

"No, no, no..." he whispered, this couldn't be happening.

He turned down a street and then pulled into a driveway. Silently he got out of the car and lifted his sleeping son into his arms. He carried him to the door and rang the bell.

Hotch stood out there on the front porch, only the sound of crickets breaking the still night. His breaths were shallow and his hands shook as he held Jack close. When the front door opened, a triangle of light was cast on Aaron's foot and he looked up.

"I'm sorry I didn't call, I..." he whispered.

"Agent Hotchner?

"Could you? I can't-"

"Of course," Will put his arms out and lifted the sleeping boy out of his dad's arms, "JJ called me, she's worried about you, they all are. Said you left suddenly in the middle of the case."

Aaron shifted his eyes, "I-"

"You don't need to explain nothin' to me. I'll watch your son as long as you need."

Aaron gave a quiet thanks and watched his son until the door closed and he was left standing there alone on the front porch. He got back in his car and started to drive away. Tears filled his eyes and eventually the road was so blurred he had to pull over.

He parked in an empty parking lot and brought his hands up to his face. This couldn't be happening, not again. He slammed his fists on the steering wheel and all of a sudden he was back to that day. The day he sat in his car, unable to do anything as he heard the gunshots.

Here he sat, once again his car, knowing this story would have the same ending.

There had been nothing he could do before, he drove urgently in a vain attempt to save her, but this time he could do something. Instead he was sitting in a empty parking lot hoping it would all go away.

It hurt him that Emily hadn't told him. She had known all along what was happening, but hadn't said anything.

But maybe he already knew, deep down, that something was wrong. Maybe he had chosen to ignore her strange requests. How she didn't want to see Jack and her questions about an Afterlife.

But this was his last chance, maybe forever, to show Emily she was loved. To be there, to push his own feelings aside, and just be there. Because no matter what he was feeling, she was feeling worse.

She was his friend, his partner, his love, and she was dying.

And he was sitting in this parking lot.

Hotch put the car back in drive and pulled out of the parking lot, taking a right onto the street. He went over the speed limit focused only on his destination. Car horns blending into the city noise as he swerved between cars.

The next thing he knew a car was directly in front of him and he screeched to a halt. His adrenaline was pumping as he looked out the window and saw a row of cars down the street, inching along. Farther down he could see the red and blue lights. There had been an accident.

He tapped his hands on the steering wheel, urging the traffic to move. He couldn't turn around, and now everything was at a stand still. He was a mile away from the hospital now and didn't know how long it would be until these cars started moving.

With one last agitated glance he ripped the keys out of the ignition and got out of his car. He slammed the door shut and other drivers shouted at him. Without looking he crossed the street and started running.

He ran towards the hospital, ignoring the pounding in his chest and the sweat rolling down his back. All he could see were her eyes when he left. He couldn't bear for that to be the last he remembered of her. He wanted to remember holding her, telling her it would be okay. He wanted to remember her lips against his. He didn't want to remember her look of pain; the pain he had caused.

She had warned him, and he had walked away. But not again, he was going to be there.

Aaron got to the hospital entrance and ran inside, flashing his badge to the front desk. He went through the maze of halls and finally made it to her room.

It was dark inside, and when he approached the bed, he saw it was empty. He looked around again, only to see the rest of the room was the same.

"Emily?" He called just as he saw the door leading to the bathroom. He walked over and opened it. The lights were off, but he could see himself reflected in the mirror. He turned the light on and turned.

There she was. Her eyes closed, slumped against the wall. There was blood, and Hotch didn't know where it had come from.

"Emily?" He asked, hesitant. He leaned over to her when she didn't open her eyes, "Em?" He put his hand on her shoulder to move her, but it was limp under his hand.

"Emily!" He shouted frantically, "wake up!" He got to his knees and touched her face, waiting for those eyes to open and to recognize him. Waiting for her to move. Her cheek was smooth against his fingers and he could see where tears had once tracked down.

"Help!" Hotch shouted outside the door, "Someone, please help her!"

A woman hurried in and pulled Aaron aside. He stood in the doorway and watched the nurse page a doctor. He didn't understand what they were doing, he just knew that she wasn't moving.

"No," Aaron groaned as they lifted her up on a stretcher, "don't do this, Emily. Please, no. Please Emily."

He was pushed out of the way and stood there silently as they brought her out of the room. He watched her pale body disappear down the hall and fell to his knees.

All he could think of were her eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello everyone, here is the last chapter of Falling Slowly. I want to thank everyone who reviewed, alerted, favorited, sent me messages, and read this story. I love reading everything that you had to say about this story, and it means so much that you took the time to write these reviews and read this story.**

**Falling Slowly was a tough story to write, but I'm glad I did. You guys supported me so much throughout this, and I know it was tough for some of you to read too. **

**And here is my warning that many were already expecting: Character Death**

Aaron paced up and down the hospital halls, his hands balled into fists at his side. She was so pale, so white. All Hotch could think about was the last thing she'd remember. Him walking away. She was scared and sick and he had been selfish.

"Is she?" Aaron stepped forward and asked the second he saw the doctor.

"No," he said, "her body was under too much stress and didn't have enough nutrients, so she passed out. She is awake now, but very weak."

"How much time?" Hotch could barely force those words out of his mouth.

"Soon," he looked down, "probably in the next few days. The end of the disease progressed faster than we expected."

"Can I take her home?"

"When I spoke to Emily earlier that was her wish. All we can do now is keep her comfortable. You can take her home, but you'll also need to have certain equipment. Her heart is too weak now... once it fails there will be no bringing it back. You'll need to prepare yourself."

Aaron nodded although he had barely comprehended those words.

When he entered Emily's room she was awake. She looked at him, but he couldn't read her eyes.

"I'm here Emily," he said, "and I'm not going anywhere."

XXX

Aaron watched from the doorway as Emily slept in his bed. She was connected to an IV giving her fluids and pain medicine. He kept the door open and walked into his son's room. He stood amidst the sea of toys and cried.

When he could finally control the tears he took out his cell phone and dialed, "Dave?" He choked when the other end was answered.

XXX

Emily could hear voices before she opened her eyes. She was so tired. She wanted to go back to sleep, but the voices. She recognized them, and she felt like she wanted to see the people connected to the voices.

She opened her eyes and it was blurry, "Aaron?" she whispered, her voice hoarse.

She could hear his footsteps as he walked up to her. He rested his strong hand on her cheek, "how are you feeling?"

"People?"

"The team's here, would you like to see them?"

She nodded and closed her eyes.

XXX

When she opened them again there were people in her room. They were whispering, so she couldn't tell what they were saying.

When Morgan saw her eyes open he walked over and rested a hand on her shoulder, "Hey Princess, you know I love you right?"

"Yeah," she smiled, "love you too..." Emily looked up and saw the pain in his eyes. All she wanted was to be able to take that away.

Other people came and went as Emily drifted in and out. She remembered JJ's soft touch. She remembered Rossi's deep voice telling her it would be alright. She remembered Reid ducking his head as he thanked her for being his friend. And she remembered Garcia wiping tears from her eyes as she told Emily she loved her.

Emily wanted to take all of that pain away from them, "I love you," she whispered to the room. Her head was too heavy to lift, but she could feel the warm lump of fur next to her leg.

"Sergio," she smiled, "thanks..."

XXX

Jack came into the room with Aaron standing in the doorway. Emily tried to sit up and look better than she really was as he stood next to the bed. His dad had tried to explain what was happening, but how was it possible to explain this to his son when Aaron didn't even understand it himself?

"Hi Emily," he said, his eyes wide.

"Hi Jack," She smiled "I love you Buddy," she put her hand on his shoulder, "you be good for your daddy, okay?"

"Mmhmm," he took a few steps away and then turned back to look at her, "I love you too."

Then he was gone.

XXX

Emily didn't know how long went by, a day, a week, for all she knew it could have been just a few hours. But she could feel herself slipping. She could feel death coming, seeping into her and slowly stealing her away.

XXX

Hotch watched her sleep. He could tell it was coming. He bit back tears and walked into the room. He climbed into the bed and wrapped his arms around her, his chest touching her back. He could feel her shallow breaths.

"Aaron," she said.

"Emily."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry about anything. Being with you was the best..." he pulled her body close and she could feel his warmth, "don't apologize. I love you Emily, and these past weeks were the best I've ever had. I would do it all over again."

"I love you too," she said.

They were silent for a while. Aaron continued to hold her and breath in her scent. He tried to take in everything about her.

"There's-" she said, a coughing fit taking over, "there's something out there, I know it," her voice was weak, "you make sure Jack knows I love him."

"Of course," he promised, "I love you," he repeated, he needed to know she knew this, "I will always love you."

She rolled over so she was now facing him and looked up into his eyes, "I don't regret this, I thought I did, but I don't. It makes this harder, leaving you, but it made living worth it."

Emily lifted her heavy hand and brought it to Aaron's face. He leaned in and brought his lips against hers. Aaron could taste salt, but didn't know whether the tears were his or hers.

Emily brought her head back, "be happy," she whispered, giving him a ghost of a smile.

And then Aaron could feel it. There were no machines to tell him, but he knew she was gone. He clung to her, pulling her limp body close. Tears silently streamed down his face and he held her to him.

She was gone.

Somewhere downstairs he could hear people talking. Doors opened and closed, the floor creaked.

Emily was gone.

Sergio stood up, turned around, and laid back down.

Emily was gone. She was dead. And there was nothing Aaron could do. He clutched her to him and closed his eyes. He remembered the first day they met, when she walked into his office at the BAU, their first case, the first time they really talked.

He remembered her smile, her laugh, her kiss.

As Aaron brought his arm back from around her, he noticed something in his hand. It was a piece of paper that had been folded into quarters. He opened it up and noticed the hand writing immediately.

_Dear Aaron,_

_There isn't enough time, and there aren't enough words. I could try to tell you how I feel, but it wouldn't be enough, nothing would. I'm sorry for hurting you and Jack, that wasn't my intention._

_I came back here looking for a home, but you gave me a family. I came looking for friendship, but you gave me love. _

_I need you to know I don't blame you for walking away. I've lived my whole life believing that the only person I could trust was myself. I believed that there would never be anyone out there for me, I believed there were no happy endings._

_I know I'm in no position to ask you for anything, but I need to anyway. Will you keep Sergio for me? He's been with me through everything and I can't imagine leaving him unless he's with someone like you._

_I know now that I should have told you. My ignorance led me to believe I could go back to living my normal life. But now as I look back, that's not what I wanted. I wanted a better end, and you gave that to me._

_I hope you'll remember me as the woman you fell in love with, not the one who lied to you. Not the one that leaves you._

_I'll always remember you. You're the man who gave me the opportunity to help others. You believed in me even when I couldn't believe in myself. You're the man who puts everyone in front of himself._

_I love you Aaron. And even though it may not seem like it, this is my happy ending. You transformed it into that. I got to fall in love, be in love, not everyone gets that in their life. I watched my parent's loveless marriage, and while I was only with you for a few weeks, those weeks held more than their years. _

_But while this is my end, it's not yours. Keep living your life, Aaron. Be happy._

_I love you Aaron, and I'll wait for you wherever it is I go after here. But your time's not now. But when it is, I'll be ready, because I'll never stop loving you._

_Love,_

_Emily_


End file.
